Xen's Dream Blog

In this dream, I am in Walmart, specifically. I had to meet my narcissist ex-boyfriend to purchase something for him. The only reason I can think of, that I would have to buy this man anything is because someone was in dire need, ie, they would die, or be harmed horribly if I turned him, or his family down. His mother is a senior in advanced years, and at the moment he lives off her pension, so I can only imagine that either his mother, or his child needed something dearly.

He owes me thousands of dollars in rent (he never paid), usage of my vehicle (that he never financed), and of course my precious, precious time (which he could never make up for). I supported him and his family for more than a year, and it took me what seemed like forever to crawl out from under his grasp.

Anyway, so I'm there in Walmart, and buying something for them. For some reason, I allowed him to take my credit card and swipe it through the machine for me at the POS. (Of course I would probably never do this, but this is a nightmare after all.) After that I am in the back of the store with his Mom, and for some reason I'm looking at kitchen wares. I see him come up behind me with a cart full of goods. Of course, I then realize that he's used my card to buy hundreds of dollars worth of goods.

This is the crazy part though. At this point, he argues with me about how his daughter really needs an $80 robe, and his mother really needs this espresso machine, and I actually start to argue back at him with an honest, and well reasoned argument. I finally manage to get my card away from him, and then I go and cry in the car, because he wouldn't take the things back, and I can not psychically force him to return all the goods that he's purchased. I panic and check my online status on my bank account, and then I wake up.

The worst part of this is that when I wake up, I realize that THIS WAS MY ACTUAL LIFE. Until April of this year, I was constantly being robbed, abused, taken advantage of, and I felt powerless to fight back any of it. Why? Because he seemed to think that it was okay to do this to me. He even hurt me, and then denied he'd ever done it. His mother and children didn't have a problem with it. After all, they were the ones I was giving money and gifts to via him. While I have friends, or family that I could take to about this, I didn't want to, and that's the most important part of this story.

Why couldn't I talk to anyone? It's simple. If you have someone constantly robbing you, taking advantage of you, abusing and torturing you, who is the person who can stop it? That's right. It's just you. You've let them compromise you on so many little things, and then it slowly escalates to the point where they are straight up robbing you on a daily basis.

So, you can't tell people that: 1. You're brilliant, but also dumb enough to let someone do this to you. 2. The reasons why you're trapped in that situation. (For me, he threatened me with a squatters rights lawsuit if I tried to get him out of my house.) 3. How you are dumb enough to let someone abuse you horribly, period. 4. You feel horribly guilty if you throw someone out on the street. 5. Why you can't leave your home, and all you've invested in it. 6. Starting this conversation with almost anyone will end with them giving you a ton or advice, belittling you, or giving you even more guilt, because you've allowed it to happen. 7. Every time you think about it or talk about it, it exhausts you, leaving you with an even higher stress level than if you didn't.

Therefore, it's just easier not to talk to anyone, and thus you tend to isolate yourself even further. When you do finally snap, and get talking to someone, it just makes you feel worse about yourself, because you realize in the telling of the story that you really are the only one to blame, and that you got yourself into that relationship. If he finds out you spoke to someone, there is hell to pay and more abuse, but it's even worse, because you did it to yourself. You feel like you shouldn't have told anyone. There is no one to blame, but yourself.

Therein lies the trap! This is the trap of the narcissist, and this is how a con artist operates. A person who has very few morals, but all the time in the world will find ways to manipulate even the brightest, most grounded, but caring individuals. They'll find someone who's even pretty good looking, and then find ways to lower their self esteem, so that they're easier to control. It's not your fault! It is all them, and you are a toy that they play with. You are their job. (This is made more insane by the fact that it matters to them not if you are a single mom, disabled, or have personal limitations.) A severe narcissist, or psychopath do not care who they are taking advantage of. They will do it to anyone.

I will write more later, but you get the basic gist here. I was easy prey. I made myself easy prey by keeping my life pretty basic, and private for a long time. If you are facing anything like this, you can contact me, and I won't judge you. We have actually all been there. Some have just had more trouble than others. Thus ends my first story, and my first dream telling. It's a warning, and a message. Those disordered people are out there, and they are just waiting for you to come along.

Xen Dream Journal - Entry 1

In this dream, I am in Walmart, specifically. I had to meet my narcissist ex-boyfriend to purchase something for him. The only reason I can think of, that I would have to buy this man anything is because someone was in dire need, ie, they would die, or be harmed horribly if I turned him, or his family down. His mother is a senior in advanced years, and at the moment he lives off her pension, so I can only imagine that either his mother, or his child needed something dearly.

He owes me thousands of dollars (for various living costs), and of course my precious, precious time (which he could never make up for). I supported him and his family for more than a year, and it took me what seemed like forever to crawl out from under his grasp.

Anyway, so I'm there in Walmart, and buying something for them. For some reason, I allowed him to take my credit card and swipe it through the machine for me at the POS. (Of course I would probably never do this, but this is a nightmare after all.) After that I am in the back of the store with his Mom, and for some reason I'm looking at kitchen wares. I see him come up behind me with a cart full of goods. Of course, I then realize that he's used my card to buy hundreds of dollars worth of goods.

This is the crazy part though. At this point, he argues with me about how his daughter really needs an $80 robe, and his mother really needs this espresso machine, and I actually start to argue back at him with an honest, and well reasoned argument. I finally manage to get my card away from him, and then I go and cry in the car, because he won't take the things back, and I can not psychically force him to return all the goods that he's purchased. I panic and check my online status on my bank account, and then I wake up.

The worst part of this is that when I wake up, I realize that THIS WAS MY ACTUAL LIFE. Until April of this year, I was constantly being robbed, abused, taken advantage of, and I felt powerless to fight back. Why? After manipulating me to such a degree,  he always attempted to take it a step further.  His phone was turned off, so I had to buy a new plan and include him and his mother in it (for some reason). He even hurt me, and then denied he'd ever done it. While I have friends, or family that I could talk to about this, doing so was torture.  I didn't want to, and that's the most important part of my story.

Why couldn't I talk to anyone? It's simple. If you have someone constantly abusing you, who is the person who can stop it? That's right. It's just you. You've let them compromise you on so many little things, and then it slowly escalates to the point where they are straight up robbing you on a daily basis. You're holding onto that tiny piece of self esteem. 

So, you can't tell people that: 1. You're brilliant, but also dumb enough to let someone do this to you. 2. The reasons why you're trapped in that situation. (For me, he threatened me with squatters rights or stealing my car. He did steal it by the way.) 3. How you are dumb enough to let someone abuse you like this. 4. You feel guilty if you someone has no phone/ car or is out on the street. 5. Starting this conversation with almost anyone will end with them giving you a ton or advice, belittling you, or giving you even more guilt, because you've allowed it to happen. 6. When you do tell someone, it just makes you feel worse about yourself. In the retelling of the story, you really are the only one to blame, and you got yourself into this situation. 7. Then, if he finds out you spoke to someone, there is hell to pay and more abuse, but it's even worse, because you did it to yourself. You feel like you shouldn't have told anyone. 8. Every time you think about it or talk about it, it exhausts you, leaving you with an even higher stress level than if you hadn't said anything.

You blame yourself entirely. Thus, you tend to isolate yourself even further. 

Therein lies the trap! This is the trap of the narcissist, and this is how a con artist operates. A person who has very few morals, but all the time in the world will find ways to manipulate even the brightest, most grounded, but caring individuals. They'll find someone who's even pretty good looking, and then find ways to lower their self esteem, so that they're easier to control. They dominate your time so you can't even think. If you did take time away,  even a few days,  the clouds might begin to part. They can't have that.  You can't be allowed to think clearly.  

I'm here to tell you that it's not your fault! It is all them, and you are a toy that they play with. You are their job. (This is made more insane by the fact that it matters to them not if you are a single mom, disabled, or have personal limitations.) A severe narcissist, or psychopath do not care who they are taking advantage of. They will do it to anyone.

I made myself easy prey by keeping my life pretty basic, and private for a long time. If you are facing anything like this, you can contact me, and I won't judge you. We have actually all been there. Some have just had more trouble than others. Thus ends my first story, and my first dream telling. It's a warning, and a message. Those disordered people are out there, and they are just waiting for you to come along.

Canceling your credit cards in the case of death

Not my story.  Sent to me.

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. Some people are really stupid. Honestly.

When this lady died in January, Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card. Then they added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, but ended up being $60.00 at this point. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is some of the exchange:

. . . . .

Family Member: 'Yes. I am calling to tell you that she died in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'OOoooookkaayyy. Uumm, maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: ' Alright. So, what will they do when they find out she's dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau. Maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you . . . . she died in January. You should close her account.'

Citibank : 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: *stammers* 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' *Lawyer info given*

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' *Fax number is given*)

After they get the fax:

Citibank: 'Sir, our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she'll mind.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.'

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help.'

Family Member: ' Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'Of course. What do you do with dead people on your planet???

RKgames

Ready to make a wager? 

Elizabethans were generally pious, but they loved their gambling. From the epic boar-baiting to the no-less ferocious rat-baiting, from cards to dice, and gameboards scratched in the cathedral pews (really) -- you'd have no problem finding someone to cover your bet. There are many pleasant card and dice games suitable for Faire but they lack a certain spectacle. In the absence of the bloodsports (there being generally more pet rats than pet terriers on any given fairesite), I've found several period games that make fine street sport.

Nine-Man Morris

Nine-man Morris is an excellent street game. The board can be scratched in the dirt of the street, painted on a cloth, or carved into a table. The 18 markers can be rocks, coins, wizened apples, or what-hae-ye (mongers were fond of beets vs turnips). The game is easily taught to passers-by and finishes up within 5-15 minutes. I've found it appealing to both children and adults and a fine way to take an afternoon ale break. The only downside is if, as Shakespeare's Titania laments, "The nine-men's morris [fills] up with mud."

The board consists of 3 nested squares with lines connecting the mid-point of each side. The gameplay is similar to tic-tac-toe: players alternate placing markers on the 24 intersections, attempting to get three-in-a-row. A line-of-three is called a mill. When a mill is created, the player may then remove (pound) one opposing non-mill piece from the board. A pounded piece is out of play.

Once all markers have been placed on the board (pounded off or not) the gameplay changes slightly. Instead of adding a marker, players now slide their markers along the lines. The game ends when a player has only two pieces left or is pinned-in and unable to make a move.

Variations include: disallowing shifting a single piece in/out of the same mill; pounding mills if no other piece is available; changing sliding to flying to any open intersection when reduced to 3 markers; six-man morris with 2 squares; twelve-man morris with 3 squares, midpoints and diagonals connected.

Quoits

Quoits is essentially horseshoes but using a ring (the Quoit) rather than a shoe. Generally played with pins (Hobs) driven into the ground (at 15-25 paces), you can also use baskets or tankards or whatever. It is easy to make Quoits by bending straw into a circle and lashing it in place with a ribbon or string. Give them enough mass for a nice toss. Quoits looks great in the street and makes a fine spectacle when down on your belly measuring the distance from the Hob with a length of twine.

With two Hobs and 1-3 Quoits per player, players stand a toe to the Hob and cast their Quoits at the distant Hob. Ringing the Hob is worth two points, having the closest Quoit is worth one point. Play to five or some reasonable score.

Variations include: horseshoes; scoring additional points for each Quoit closer to the Hob than all the other player's Quoits.

Fox & Geese

Fox and Geese has a more complicated board than Nine-man Morris and is better suited to a painted playing board (cloth, wood, etc) than scratched in the dirt. The 13 (or 17) Geese start at one side of the board, and moving only forwards and forwards diagonally, try to trap the single Fox. The Fox meanwhile may move in any direction and tries to jump a Goose thereby removing it from play. The Geese move and the Fox jumps, as in checkers. The Fox goes first.

The Geese win if they trap the Fox in a corner (and peck him to death), and the Fox wins if the Geese cannot trap him or have all moved to the far side of the board. This is a little more difficult as a street game because the advantage lies with the Fox. It may prove unsatisfying to merely play once (as the Geese).